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  • Writer's pictureOlivia Hill

Publicly Private

Isn't it funny when someone on the Internet apologizes for their absence, and only then does it dawn on you that they've been out of your feed? Or when a content creator fights back tears begging their audience for a break that no follower ever had the power nor want to withhold?

And I'm not belittling the job of an online personality. There are sponsored contracts that need to be fulfilled, and the fear that taking a pause from posting across multiple platforms will make re-entry feel like starting from the bottom as one fights The Algorithm is very real. But looking at the bigger picture all I can think is: what the fuck?

I appreciate my 3 most loyal readers--the ones who figured out how to Subscribe to this website even when I myself couldn't figure out how to do that.

But for me to come on here and open with an apology about how long it's been since I've posted would be an absolutely asinine statement for any new reader to see. (Thanks for taking the extra thumb taps to leave Instagram to be here, btw!)

(That being said, to my loyal 3: thank you, I love you, I owe you. I currently have 2 clean kidneys so lmk if you need 1.)

I haven't shared any humor or hot girl satire pieces since February because just like every other creative I know in this day and age: I have been trying to juggle work, side hustles, a constant battle of comparisons to my peers, posting to Tik Tok, posting to Instagram, keeping up with auditions, not feeling like things are moving fast enough, intrusive thoughts I assumed had been conquered and laid to rest, existential crises about capitalism, and kicking myself for when therapy becomes a $100/hr gossip sesh rather than a deep, transformative cleaning of the soul.

Add on top of that trying to be a good friend, trying to meet new people, trying to follow my fun, trying to support those I believe in--

Oh and at some point I snapped and decided to quit my day job in pursuit of COMEDY.

This blog would have been a great place to house every moment of that journey, but alas--Tik Tok seemed like the better place to do it. Because, you know, numbers and visiblity.

If anyone reading this feels bitter and needs some sort of ego boost, feel free to look at any of my metrics. They're not that large, and I'm not bragging in this post, nor putting myself down in this sentence. It's just a fact of the matter that I would really like to be transparent about.

Because that's what I'm finding my power in lately. As annoying/cliche/trendy/2022 as it sounds: I feel best when I'm being authentic. And authentic doesn't always mean being so at peace with yourself that you're confident, it's a mix of self-deprecation and a mix of pointing out the tension in the room. It's a mix of not caring what others think, and a mix of debating texting an apology for a faux pas that no one seemed to notice.

Point is: I'm still human, and I'm still around! I hope to share more with you all, and I know that because "the medium is the message" ( - Marshall McLuhan) the tone might feel different on each platform.

If you're intresrested in knowing more about me or seeing my life through a different lens, here's how that tonal breakdown currently stands, but just like myself, it is always changing:

Personal Tik Tok - Follow my FUN-employment and enjoy some quick sketches.

Stand Up Tik Tok - Clips of me telling jokes that I feel comfortable with the Internet seeing.

Live Stand Up Show Dates Here - The best way to see the things I won't post on the Internet.

My Writing - One of my favorite things to do and spaces I open up in the most. People seem to enjoy reading it. I really hope to be more consistent in the upcoming months.

Twitter - Sometimes I feel unhinged and post weird thoughts and pictures of myself.

Instagram - Really just one big advertisement for all the things mentioned above. There are also some sketches that are "too adult" for Tik Tok.

Ko-Fi - Look, I have to say it. I'm hustling with a bunch of side gigs, and while you may think buying me a coffee won't do a lot, it actually will. It's one big domino effect: Your purchase of one coffee gives me an ego boost that you believe in me and gives me a caffeine rush to manically knock through the admin work of creative projects. I would very much appreciate a donation, but also understand that in this day and age it's cheaper to sit at home and stare at a wall than filling your gas tank.

EDIT: My forever friend Mike recommended just dropping my Venmo so here's that <3

If you got to this point, I appreciate you and you can always feel free to contact me. I typically respond to people I'm not afraid of.

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