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  • Writer's pictureOlivia Hill

Publicly Autonomous (Part 2: Humorously Verified)

Olivia and a rhinestoned baby alligator necklace
Olivia and a rhinestoned baby alligator necklace

In my last post, I walked through the day I was alerted of a fake Instagram account that had been made using my image and likeness. In this post, I'll share the 4 tell tale signs that you're looking at a real Olivia Hill account. I will also be forwarding this blog post to my bank so they can get to know ~*my vibe*~ as they continue to assume my binge-shopping days on Melrose are fraudulent; as if anyone else would spend money on a necklace that is a rhinestone baby alligator on a fake Cuban Link Chain.

1. There's an attempt at humor. Whether you think I'm funny or not, I will always* try to be. There will be a clear attempt at a punchline, or an attempt to dispel the awkward tension in the room by addressing it, or an attempt at playing a vapid character in the name of Hot Girl Satire.

Property of Nickelodeon

*Even the pieces where I'm not trying to be funny (usually created when I've been feeling down thanks to the perfect storm of: eating too much sugar, not exercising, and starting my period) will still have moments of comic relief. Sure they'll be buried under the intense brooding only a Scorpio could do, and of course it'll be over something ridiculous like the shrine of my ex and fears that "I'll never find love again." (Imagine Helga from Hey Arnold but more pathetic.) Check out Trash Funeral and American Prince for proof of concept.

2. The overall aesthetic might not be tied together well, but individual posts and projects have great font and color scheme choices. While I don't have a full blown degree in graphic design, I've always had an affinity for the use of color and did take an 8 week online course when we were all in lockdown unsure of what each day held. I assumed that if I made it out of the early pandemic I'd use my new skills to offer flyer designs to fellow comedy shows; and spoiler alert: that didn't really happen. All this to say, I take a lot of artistic swings but I think I'd know better than to abuse hot pink the way my scammer did. (Play a quick back-of-the-cereal-box game with me and decide which of the two following images are an Olivia Original vs. A Scammer's Cheap Knock Off.)

This one is not my design.

3. THE GRAMMAR! I recently learned that the saying, "If you don't use it, you lose it," not only applies to things like speaking second languages or a honed skill, but to basic grammar as well. I took up an odd fascination with grammar in my teen years, and with that knowledge have tried to go through life as a great Editor to myself. (Mainly because I can't afford to add anyone else to my non-existent payroll.) I'm not robotically perfect--but I'm not as atrocious as the inability to put even one space after a punctuation mark as exemplified by my scammer in the picture above. I bet if that font choice wasn't caps-locked we'd see a hundred more grammatical errors. If you think I'm punching down on someone who's language of choice is not English, I'd like to remind you that no one asked them to "expose" my image, privacy, and inbox in any language, TYVM.

4. You can't tell if it's Olivia's account or Alyssa Poteet's. This one is for the niche, for the fans, for the "Day Ones." There is no doubt I hang out with my comedy wife way past business hours and we can often be found in each others' content. So, if you don't see her in the scroll, you can assume it is not a real Olivia Hill account. (She's even in the podcast pictured at right.)

But if all of this is still too confusing due to flowery to the point of incoherent sentence structure, (which would be another great way to tell it's an Original Olivia), then I'll make things easy by linking all of my current accounts below:

Instagram (only 1): @FreeSampleOlivia

Twitter (only 1): @FreeSampleLiv

Tik Tok (2 accounts): Olivia Daily - @FreeSampleOlivia

Olivia's Stand Up Clips - @Mayumi_Vice

Youtube (2 accounts): Olivia's Personal

Venmo (if you'd like to send some love) - @FreeSampleOlivia

Thank you for reading what was basically a large commercial about myself. If you are reading this sentence, please drop me a line in the comments or personally because your support should not go unappreciated!

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